I caved in

... And actually hung out with the group I kept getting recommended.

-It's all a bunch of overachieving and badass ladies! You'll fit in just fine

And we actually hung out after the O'Keeffe exhibition. They went. I didn't. I joined for cafe.

And I say cafe and not coffee because at least coffee wise, these ladies do things the way I remember it done from my side of the Atlantic, not the rush-rush one of the American side.

When my therapist used the word : overachieving and then the word badass, I started wondering how the lady viewed me. I guess I never paused amidst the intense sessions and reflected how this American born and bred Midwestern typical belle (granted, with some experience abroad) saw me. When she associated me with the words and the ladies, I paused. But then, I didn't have it in me to speak up or wonder aloud or ask. I am not used to getting direct feedback, and when I get indirect feedback like that, I don't know how to speak or react or keep up the conversation.

Anyway.

So the ladies... Gosh, I wish many thing. I mean, I promised my therapist I will give it a try and two and even three. We are doing things her way anyway. But damn, there were just so many things that just...eh.

Where to start? How can I say it without being judgmental or negative?

The fuck with all this, this is my own personal space and my first impressions weren't great, which is more often than not, not a good sign.

I heard some shit I didn't think I would hear it in real life from grown supposedly self-aware self-reflecting adults:

-I was never someone who did things like everybody else anyway, hu hu hu hu.
-I have always been a bit of a loner and a marginalized person myself
-I just started reading Harry Potter, couldn't go past the first chapter, that was it.
-All that is mainstream, I actively avoid. I just can't with the middle class taste of things.
-From my time at the ivy league, I particularly miss the intelligent conversations and the insightful debates. Everything pales compared to it.
-How can I persist to exist without watching/reading this "insert obscure reference that would appeal to a very small audience"?

etc...etc...etc I sat through this for five hours and twenty seven minutes. When they joined me at the coffee shop, I was working on my assignment and noted the time because of some calculations I needed to check after some time. Then, I checked the time consistently after two hours, when I realized what I was into.

I think the funniest part of the whole exchange was the point where I wrapped up part of the discussion on introductions:

-So if I understand correctly, you ladies all come from Caucasian families of academics and technical households with one or two overbearing parents that pushed you to excel and you kept that pattern in everything you do in life, whether in pursuing a career in academia and still feeding an artist that was asphyxiated by paternal figures?

They said yes and were very enthusiastic about it and their writings and their blogs, and their future trip to see a play and their season tickets for the local performing center and I just looked at them wondering if all they stated beforehand was no longer present in their mind.

I didn't realize, silly me, that the mantle of "intellectual" and "artist at heart" and "versed hipster" were truly labels people in real life pursue relentlessly with no self-awareness and a total lack of sense of irony, what the fuck...

Why am I back to high school with the friends that are part of the old families and that barely spoke any Arabic?