This is a phase.

All the suffering around me, all the anxiety and stress and contained anger remind me of RG Veda's characters and their perceptions of fate and God.

Keeping it hopeful and light, though. I know we'll eventually laugh about all this after and realize that it didn't require this much of suffering, it didn't require this great deal of negative attention, it didn't require this much unhealthy analysis or dark expections or insane self-centering.

It wasn't worth all this and in the end, we'll laugh about it.

Need a break.

1984 by George Orwell in my ears.

I'm trying to deal with the fact that I'm done with RG Veda, once again, and for now.

I really should work on that emotional wreck and mindfuck I have to go through every fucking time I have to read over or watch over or play over something that is extremely dear to me. I mean wtf, how am I supposed to explain my gloom to colleagues and acquaintances? I won't always be available to be emotionally and psychologically retarded. I have commitments. I will have more.

If only my fucking facial expression and my fucking voice weren't that fucked up.

Thank you Kujaku

And the rest of the dreadful...

That dreadful part

Poor, poor Karouybinga.

I'm NOT crying. I tell it when I cry..usually...
I get all Taishakuten's actions, but when it comes to Karura-ô, I don't. She was abiding by his rule and a good pawn and nothing was too pricy so why would you go for the weakling that she loves? why?

Yasha-ô and Ashura-ô

Ô Ashura-ô

Through RG Veda once again

My first CLAMP ever. My first manga ever.

And let me tell you something : when you are 10 years old or so and your first experience with manga is RG Veda, it's basically losing your virginity in a BDSM gangbang with 2G1C and 1G1J types of people.

If I concentrate, I'm a kid again, crying herself to sleep because everyone's sufferance is resonating harshly and deeply within me and the gods get beheaded and can't look for their creations and I don't know how to help or ease anyone's pain and the way Karyoubinga went was so cruel and in fact everyone doesnt die peacefully and doesn't seem to have achieved what he/she wanted and poor Ashura and...and..and..you can't confide in anyone, not even the boy who brings you the MANGA magazines since he doesn't even bother reading them himself -unless for the yu yu hakusho parts.

RG Veda's Madness

Karyoubinga's part, over again.