Growing Up Moroccan. Growing Up K.

Instead of doing my homework, I spent my afternoon laughing my ass off with N., N., S. and compagnie while putting together a playlist for the songs we grew up listening to in Morocco.

The nostalgia meeting the ridicule meeting the versatile range that everyone knew and grew up with made up for a merry day, the likes of which I haven't had in a long long time.

Playlist

There were some though that didn't fit the common musical experience. More of my niche. No issue, put them aside in their own playlist.

Playlist

In Mood for Writing but life is too stuffed

Relax

This administrative limbo took a toll on me. I'm back but not mended. I need to clean myself and make sense of the whirlpool and the fallacy of it all.

Everytime I think I made peace with the notion that life is nothing but fair, that shit happens and that the best action I can take is to take reaction into full awareness, get proactive and make my peace and move on, something comes along the way that is way beyond my built up level and sends me back in that internal pathos. I get stuck in that sense of injustice and who knows how much time I will be focusing on that.

God damn it, I wish leveling up was as clear as in RPGs, putain. Mais bon, I leveled up eventually, and I'm pretty sure it will help in alleviating shit happening, but damn when the next big knock-out will come, I have to remember that I can certainly choose my reaction, deal with it healthy and move on, letting it be a harmless and fertile grounded soil for the back of my mind.

Everything stays

Grimes - Genesis

I cannot believe my luck, or divine mercy, or eerie intuition.

I cannot fucking believe it.

31:14

My boss is quitting at my workplace. My writing doesn't want to be wrapped. My boss was one of the main great things about working at my workplace and working with him was one of the few good things Wichita bestowed upon me.

I missed the damn bastard, I miss him even more now after his farewell email. I'm not about to cry as much about him as I did over S. but it is quite a blow.

It was a hell of an honor to work for such a brilliant and understanding guy with leadership T.T

Mundus ipse est ingens deorum omnium templum

The world itself is a huge temple of all the gods

-Seneca

When I am called to pay taxes on life, I find some relief in the stoic meditations of yore.

I hope I always remember that Seneca, Epictetus, Marcus Aurelius and so on are a page away, a thought away.

But most importantly, I hope I can always meditate enough their teachings that it would stick once and for all and be part of my psyche.

I sometimes worry that I don't assimilate well enoug ideas that I find worth keeping and applying. 

But in the deafening silence of administrative procedures and the instabilities over my future, I realize that many things that used to get to me no longer get to me, and things I never faced before are easier to confront, perhaps not so much to deal with, but at least to confront in the first meeting.

So I am enclined to think that I understand how to deal with a range of life taxes, and that with more life, more diverse forms of life taxes come. And it may be that I need some first digestion and loss to adapt, assimilate and think them through first.

But in the end...

Oh fuck me, it just keeps getting hardcore and I hope I can keep getting hardcore with it as well.