Kamikaze on the Loop

I got a car. How does it feel? Like everything right now, nothing.

I got my first B. I knew I will start slipping eventually and I knew a class will take the hit. I spoke about it to my therapist and she said: " What if it happens? It's not the end of the world!" She's right, it's not the end of the world. It's nothing really, just plain nothing, just empty worrying and anxiety.

Friends are coming all the way from the other side of the Atlantic. It doesn't feel like anything, but I can't act like it for a plan that finally came to a fruition.

Here is the thing about this whole time:

When Eminem put out Revival, I didn't like it. Neither the beats nor the lyrics. It just tsk tsk... Plus, Beyonce ? Really? Ed Sheeran? Seriously dude? Please add Justin Timberlake to this combo and I'm done...

But then again, every artist has to have that little black sheep. I still have appreciation for Revival, just no love. When my homies, fans as well if not hardcore fans, were berating the album, I defended Eminem's choices and argued my appreciation of certain tracks.

Then, Kamikaze dropped out and I liked few songs and connected with one or two, gave me goosebumps and ignited my replay tendencies. And that was it.

In my quest to trying to connect back to things I used to like, I can't seem to connect back with much. But I was listening to Kamikaze while trying to work out and I just started crying in the gym. It's not even the lyrics or thematics or the beats. It's just the emotion, the pain inside god damn. I exhausted the tears and the pain inside.

I am still listening over and over again to Kamikaze as of now, I never want to forget that. I can't believe how much it just makes sense irrespective of content and beats. That one is tough.

Hell, I am even relistening to Revival and his track with Beyonce hit me hard.

                               

Looks like it's me and good ol Marshall for this reinveted but not quite phase.

Being human is getting too hard good grief.